An hour of Skyrim

The highly anticipated new chapter of the Elder Scrolls saga has finally shown up, but does it live up to the hype? In this blog post, I shall tell of my experience playing through the PC version of the game for an hour. We'll see if it's as good as people claim...

After installation, I boot up the game and am greeted with this abomination:

Apparently this is a main menu screen

Where do I start with this? Well, first off there is NO options screen here, which is simply outrageous for a PC game. Next, the actual screen itself is just a black background with the logo pasted on top of it and some smoke effects going on as well. It doesn't even have the title of the game. This is, by far, the UGLIEST main menu screen I have seen in years. The main menu of Oblivion was good, so why did they go for a piece of shit in Skyrim? Why not just do something similar to Oblivion? It's amazing... 

The loading screens look like shit too...

All the loading screens are disgraceful

Well, after starting, I found myself being held prisoner (prisoner again? nice to see they're doing something new) with three other guys being taken to some town/city/whatever. 

Everyone goes on about how good the graphics in this game are, but I'm not impressed. Sure, they are good, but I never once thought "Wow, this is pretty damn good!". For the record, I have all the settings on 100% max at 1920x1080 resolution. The likes of Crysis (1 and 2), Battlefield 3 and Uncharted 3 have better graphics, I say. But oh well, it takes a lot more than graphics to make a good game.

After what seemed like 10 minutes of bullshit, I finally arrived, got off the cart and customised my character. The controls for this part are proof that this game was built specifically for consoles and then badly ported over to the PC; for example, you can't use the mouse to adjust the slider bars and you have to use the keyboard to confirm rather than the good old fashioned button click. It truly is amazing that you can't use the mouse properly in this game (when talking with NPCs the game cries when you try and use a mouse, you can barely use the mouse in the menu screens, etc... It's a complete joke). The only explanation for this is that they simply couldn't be fucked to put any effort into the PC port.

I couldn't be bothered to make my own, so I just used a preset

Next, we get a scene which is actually pretty brutal. I've never played the manhunt games (which are supposed to be violent/brutal), so I can't compare it to those games, but basically some guy gets his head hacked off, which is something I'm pretty sure I haven't seen in a game before (well, not with the level of detail shown in Skyrim, at least). I didn't exactly find it "disturbing", it just surprised me; I didn't expect the game to open up with that. I certainly don't remember anything like that in Oblivion.

Fatality

This is the sort of thing anti-video game activists masturbate over. When I saw it in game, I could practically hear Jack Thompson scream "Ah! THIS WILL MAKE ALL THE CHILDREN GO OUT AND BEHEAD PEOPLE! I must warn the world in order to prevent this tragedy from ever occurring! THIS GAME MUST BE BANNED!".

Anyway, next it's my character's turn. I got put into position, but just as the jackass was about to take my head, a dragon showed up and destroyed everything. I made my escape and, after getting unbound, grabbed a sword and looked for some ass to kick. Unfortunately, the only ass that was kicked was my own; I bumped into a couple of soldiers and tried fighting them, but my flails were ineffective and I quickly lost most of my health. 

 Captain Epic used Flail! ... Nothing happened!

Since I had absolutely no chance of beating them, I decided to beat a very brave retreat. I ran past them and continued to my destination.

At last, I was out of there and into the vast world of Skyrim. I went off on my way, following the destination icon. En route, I came across some guy with his dog. "Bandit!" I cried as I ran in, firing arrows in his general direction. I swiftly took down his dog and engaged in an epic bow + arrow duel with him in which I emerged triumphant. It wasn't until after I killed him when I realised that this guy wasn't actually a bandit; he was just some hunter minding his own business.

Shit... Sorry about that, dude...

Rather than defiling his corpse for his equipment, I left the poor guy to rest in peace and continued to my destination.

In Riverwood I found the guy I'm supposed to talk to, "Alvor". Unfortunately, he didn't want to talk to me for some reason; I kept following him around talking to him but none of the conversation options satisfied the game, so the story didn't progress.

Talk to Alvor in Riverwood? I already have... five times! What more do you want me to do?

After constant pestering, he finally decided to talk to me about the dragon attack. He tells me to go to Whiterun, because he's too lazy to go himself. So, I head off to my next destination...

I come across the city of Whiterun and, after about five minutes of wondering around like an idiot, finally found the way in. Upon arrival, I was immediately greeted by a young girl, who told me her life story and then walked off. Right... Well, that was random. It fascinates me that most people you walk past tell you their life story in this game.

I continued on to my destination, hearing the life stories of half the population of Whiterun en route. After more story progression, I get sent on a mission to find some kind of stone from the depths of "Bleak Falls Barrow". On my way out of the city I found a couple of kids, one of which was bullying the other into giving money. This kid (who is a girl, by the way) is apparently a real tough guy who claims to be unafraid of anyone and anything. She also thinks she can "bloody your face", which is interesting considering she's a small girl, without armour or weapons, and I'm a big dude with a monstrous beard, geared up with armour and brutal weaponry.

Clearly a formidable foe

Not afraid, eh? We'll see about that... I drew my sword and started beating her ass. Immediately, she cowered in fear and tried running away. I gave chase, slashing away at her whenever I got close enough. However, after a very brief chase, it all ended in tears because the guards apparently didn't like the fact I was slashing a little girl.

How could this happen to me?

Well, after the game loaded up from my last save, I ignored the little bitch this time and head off to my destination. This time I was actually able to find the entrance without wondering around like a fool. After entering, I fought my way along a passageway so linear it makes Final Fantasy XIII look open-ended and eventually came upon a huge beast of a spider.

It is an unwritten law that all fantasy based Western RPGs must have at least one giant spider, apparently

I opted for the one-handed sword and shield combo for this fight. I began by barbarically charging in, flailing around like Magikarp, and hacked away at the beast. Things didn't go too well, and after about 10 seconds of flailing, disaster struck...

I've made my mistakes...

Well, that didn't go as planned. Evidently, the barbaric flailing strategy is never going to take this beast down.

Because this game bears a grudge against regular auto-saving, it started me off back at the entrance to the place. So, I once again fought my way through linearity and got back to the big spider for round 2. This time, I decided to kick things off with a fire scroll attack, which is very conveniently sat around on a table immediately before the spider encounter... Right... 

After blasting it with fire, which didn't do a great deal of damage, I whipped out my wood and hid out of range of the beast, firing arrows at it while safely behind cover. 

 The good old "take cover and fire arrows" strategy is clearly the way to go

This time I successfully took down the beast and proceeded to free some guy trapped in a web. Turns out he has an item I need, the "Golden Claw", and tries running off with it. Considering he's called "Arvel the Swift", he didn't act very swiftly after being freed; he didn't even get out of the webbed area before I killed him.

"Swift", eh? Not swift enough to escape my wrath!

After taking the golden claw, I proceeded down the road of infinite linearity. Along the way, I fought with some strange, presumably undead, creatures called "Draugr". These guys are definitely tougher than regular bandits; it takes a fair few hits to take them down. One thing about them confuses me though - Why do they all carry money? 

The undead need money too, apparently

Do they wander into nearby towns to purchase essential supplies with their earnings? What exactly is their job anyway? Well, maybe they just died with money still on them and no one bothered to relieve them of it... Who knows? It's just disturbing.

I then came up against my greatest foe yet - swinging blades...

This is clearly going to end in disaster...

I went back to my barbaric roots and just charged straight ahead. Miraculously, I survived, though I did get hit once which left me with a seriously small amount of health. My lack of health potions was rather disturbing... I was forced to go on ahead with my limited remaining health and hope for the best. Right around the corner, yet another undead guy showed up. I spam-fired arrows at him but that didn't take him down, so I attempted to get my one-handed sword and shield out and finish him off, but tragically I left it too late and couldn't swap over in time... Thanks to my lack of health, I went down in one hit.

 I've got nowhere to run...

It's a shame auto-save killed Skyrim's family, leaving the game with a bitter grudge against it. If it didn't kill Skyrim's family, I wouldn't have to start from the entrance yet again. "Why don't you just manually save?", you ask? There are two reasons:

1- I can't be bothered

2- The menus are a pain to use because of the fail of the PC port

Well, I'm up to 57 minutes of play now and there's no way I'll make it back to where I was in 3 minutes, so I'll leave it at that. 

Overall, I'm not impressed... The sword combat, like Oblivion, mainly consists of flailing around and hoping you get lucky. Admittedly, it's more refined than Oblivion but the gameplay definitely isn't that impressive. If the game had a "lock-on" system, where you can focus on an opponent to attack rather than flailing all over the place, then the gameplay would be a lot better. Another thing that disturbs me is the fact you have to equip a spell to cast now, rather than pressing a "cast" button like on Oblivion. I personally think the Oblivion way is much better and it makes me sick that I have to sacrifice a weapon or shield to unleash a spell. The fact that the PC version is a disgraceful port of the console versions is simply unacceptable and effort should have gone into it to make the controls and such more appropriate for the PC. It seems to me that they spent all their time making the console version, then at the last minute decided to port it over to the PC to make more money...

*Meanwhile, at Bethesda Game Studios...*

Dick  

At last, the console version is complete.

Bob

What about the PC version?

Dick 

Yes, yes, of course. We shall spend the last week of development porting it over to the PC.

Bob 

Only a week for the PC version?

Dick 

PC gaming is weak, so it is not worth putting effort into its release.

Bob 

Then why not just make it console exclusive, since it has been developed specifically for consoles?

Dick 

Never! We must sucker the arrogant PC gamers who think their system is so superior into giving us money for a disgraceful port.

Bob 

So, you want to piss off the entire PC fanbase?

Dick 

It is all part of my ultimate plan to destroy the world of PC gaming once and for all.

Bob 

PC gaming is already nearly dead, thanks to the likes of Steam and DRM technology. Now it seems to be getting even worse with developers making games for consoles, then putting little effort into the PC port. Hardly anyone makes games specifically for PC anymore...

Dick

Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.

Bob 

Right... So, for the PC version, what are we going to do about mouse control and keyboard shortcuts. The shortcuts should be the same as in Oblivion so people who played Oblivion on PC can easily adapt to Skyrim, right?

Dick 

There shall be minimal mouse control; the PC gamer must suffer using a keyboard for most of the control in game, such as character customisation and operating the menu screens. We must change all the shortcuts to infuriate the arrogant PC gamers further. The similarities to Oblivion must be minimal.

Regarding the story - as usual with most western RPGs, I don't find it particularly interesting. Though saying that, I am only an hour in so it wouldn't be fair to call it crap before it even gets going. 

So, yeah, not a particularly impressive game thus far and definitely doesn't live up to the outrageous hype it had. Also, the PC version is disgraceful and I would advise anyone to go for the console version instead, if they have one of the consoles... I would say "I'll give it a chance and play through for a long time before dismissing it as crap", but in my experience all western RPGs are boring and I very rarely complete them; I've played a lot of western RPGs in my time and I can only think of one game I've actually completed - Knights of the Old Republic 2 (which is pretty mediocre, by the way). So, I doubt this game will be any different for me.

Berryz Koubou - Aa, Yo ga Akeru Review

So, a new Berryz single... ”ああ、夜が明ける”

The video starts off looking at some old house, which I am assuming is Tsunku’s personal brothel where he keeps all the H!P girls. All the girls in the video look like they’re dressed to “receive” Tsunku, if you know what I mean… There’s no other reason why they’re dancing around the house in those outfits. I guess this proves the house is his brothel.

"Tsunku... I've been waiting for you"

In some scenes we see them dancing around in some hall, in others we see them sat around on their own (perhaps they all have their own rooms in the brothel and are just waiting for Tsunku to come by?), and in the other scenes they are sat around on the stairs for some reason.

"Welcome back, Tsunku... We missed you"

The video ends the same way it starts – With a view of the brothel.

Tsunku's Brothel

Now the music…

At first I thought the song was a complete disgrace, but after listening to it multiple times for this review, I don’t think it’s THAT bad… It still disturbs me, just not as much as it did originally.

”つんくさん。。。大きいわねぇ～”

It starts off with some kind of jazzy piano riff. Then a really bad string VST takes over with synth bass and a drum kit that has been EQ’d to HELL and back (who EQ’d this? What does this person have against high frequencies?) - The snare doesn’t even sound like a snare anymore, it’s ridiculous. Even the hats lack the crisp sound found in the upper frequencies… Also, the riff on the shitty string VST is disturbing.

I have no fucking idea what Tsunku was thinking when he did the bass part to this song; this is easily one of the worst synth bass sounds I have ever heard in my entire life. I’m pretty sure it’s just there to make people SICK.

The constant moans of “aah, yeah… aah” in this song serve as empirical evidence to support my argument that the house in this video is some kind of brothel.

What was the director trying to achieve with this shot?

The verse is, as usual with these J-pop songs, very simple; simple chords with simple melody line over the top with lyrics about… *shock* - Love!!!  Nice to see they’re doing something original for this song… After all, only every other Hello! Project song has the same theme.

Listening to the verse is a disturbing experience just because of that fucking synth bass and the ruined drum kit. Also, Tsunku’s disgusting use of call and response with shit synth sounds is almost insulting.

This synth bass is going to haunt me for the rest of my life; it’s like some obnoxious asshole who goes around trying to be the centre of attention while pissing everyone off in the process.

"What the fuck am I watching?"

The 2^nd part of the verse has some serious reverb spamming. The rhythmic interest in this part is actually not bad though - that’s the verses only plus point - but the obnoxious synth bass plays a disgusting bass line with that disgraceful sound which ruins it.

The bridge makes me sick… The descending vocal line with a syncopated rhythm is weak. The plus point for this bit is that the fucking synth bass isn’t too bad here! It’s less obnoxious here than in the verses and chorus.

What the hell is going on in the second part of the bridge!? It’s some kind of weird reverse cymbal sound spam. I’d love to know what that jackass (Tsunku) was trying to do here… That reverse cymbal spam attack comes out of NOWHERE and tries to ruin your ears. For some reason, it’s only there for a few seconds and then goes away again. Maybe Tsunku got bored in the studio so he randomly put in some sounds?  I think it tries to outdo the fucking synth bass, but gives up when it realises it’s impossible to be more obnoxious than that disaster of a bass – The cymbal plays for a few seconds, then the fucking synth bass comes back and pisses everyone off again.

"Take my hand and we'll make it I swear"

The chorus is by far the best part of the song, but unfortunately that fucking synth bass is still being obnoxious – “Stop paying attention to those sluts and listen to me! I’m more important!”. The melody line of the chorus is nice and catchy, as it should be in a pop song chorus. I really wish that fucking synth bass wasn’t in the chorus because it completely ruins it. The rhythm of the vocal line is good as well – Sure, it’s nothing original, but it works and that’s the most important thing for a pop song. The chorus could also be nicer with a bit more high-end on the snare and hats, but unfortunately whoever EQ’d the drums holds a bitter grudge against frequencies higher than 1k.

Then the song repeats the shitty string vst section from the intro and then we get another verse, bridge and chorus.

After that repeat, it builds into a really shitty synth solo with the girls moaning over the top of it. Just before the solo starts we get some girl’s best owl impersonation “oo oo oo oo oo oo”, for some reason (it may be her “best” impersonation, but it still fails).

"Oo...Oo...Oo...Oo"

After the solo we get the highlight of the song. It’s another chorus, but this time without that fucking synth bass pissing everyone off (it’s still there, just not trying to piss everyone off this time) and without the drums disturbing me. Unfortunately, this doesn’t last long and it quickly goes back into the normal chorus with the fucking synth bass.

It ends with the shitty string VST intro section, and then has some synth chords to finish up with.

It’s the fucking synth bass that really ruins this song for me; it stands out everywhere and just makes a ridiculous noise. I like the chorus melody and rhythm though, but that’s pretty much the only good bit (a good bit which is ruined by an outrageous bass). I don’t have any real issues with the video; it’s just them in a brothel dancing or sitting around singing. The only other thing to comment on is the line distribution; it seems to be done pretty well in this song, I thought (usually you see one girl with most of the lines and the rest just sit around in the background).

A typical night at the brothel

I give this:

4/10

The fucking synth bass is what really lowers the score right down. The chorus cannot bring the score up, because the bass pisses everyone off in this section too, but it does save the score from going down to a 3.

Buono! Natsu dakara - Review

So, A new Buono single... I really don't know what the fuck happened here; some of the previous singles were actually good but this is just a disgrace.

I don't know what joker did the costume designing for the video, but it's a bit shit and boring to look at - All they are wearing is white! What do they have against colour? To be fair, they do wear denim shit later on, so there is a bit of colour to be seen in the costumes... But what the fuck? The denim doesn't even fit here! I know earlier Buono crap is about punk/rock and stuff so the denim usually suits their style, but this song has absolutely no elements of punk or rock in it, so wearing that costume makes them look completely ridiculous (The white dress is boring, but at least it fucking works with the music. Them wearing denim crap for this song is like some death metal band who sings about disembowelling babies dressing up in fucking tutus and ballet dancing throughout the whole video). One of these girls is wearing the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen on her head – I think it’s supposed to be a little hat but it’s the most stupid thing in the whole video. That same girl has some monstrous earrings in the white dress.

What the fuck is on her head?

Whoever edited this video has issues; it’s all over the damn place. Some of the edits are ridiculous – Cuts to a close up, then glitches, goes back out again, close up. Following all this is a joke… Girls swapping places on the screen, then getting in your face, then changing clothes, then being fascinated by fish, random cuts, etc.

I’m pretty sure this was shot in Tsunku’s house, because there’s a bit where they open a random briefcase on the floor which contains a shitload of lollipops and toys (which Tsunku probably got out the back of his windowless van)… Sounds like something Tsunku would get up to.

Tsunku's Child Abduction Briefcase

I really don’t know why these girls are so fascinated by a fish tank; it’s like they’ve never seen fish before in their life.

"Wow, what is this thing? I've never seen anything like it!"

Okay, now this is just fucking disturbing. The video ends with the 3 girls, in their denim clothes, sleeping on the sofa, in the same position they were just a second ago (they weren’t lying down and shit, they were just sat there asleep)… This proves beyond ANY DOUBT that Tsunku is a sex offender - he slipped some kind of drugs into those lollipops in the briefcase to put those girls to sleep (Rohypnol?). Well, why the fuck else are they sleeping in the same damn position they were just sitting in, in the middle of the fucking day? This makes me sick.

Tsunku has them right where he wants them...

After the fade out, I’m guessing he brutally rapes them all.

The lyrics are a joke; the video doesn’t even go with the lyrics most of the time, it just looks and sounds stupid. They are just about stupid crap, like most of their songs I suppose, so I guess I can’t complain about them too much. At least it doesn’t repeat the same damn line about 20 times in a row in this one.

Do you think there is enough white in this scene?

Now for the music… This is where shit gets serious.

Starts off with a simple little vocal line, but then she busts out a rap (she had to ram a shitload of syllables in that 3^rd line), then goes back to normal again. It doesn’t exactly fit… When I first heard it, I thought “What the fuck?”, because it came out of nowhere. To be fair though, this intro isn’t too bad, apart from the rap outburst.

At first I was like...

Then I lol'd

What the FUCK is going on now!? These vocal harmonies are making me sick. Are we in the fucking 60s? I like vocal harmonies, but stay away from the 60s, fools; there’s a good reason no one harmonises like that anymore.

Well, after that abomination, we have a pretty basic verse – Simple chords with a simple melody over the top. Nothing more to say about it really.

Some random clapping section before the chorus, after a build-up. It built up quite nicely, then randomly stops for some clapping, and THEN goes into the chorus. The idea itself is a good one, but it wasn’t executed brilliantly here. Oh well, at least they tried.

Bitchin' earrings

The 60s harmonies are back in the chorus making me sick again. This chorus is actually pretty boring; why not just stick to the good old I-VI-IV-V which ALWAYS works (it’s a songwriter’s secret weapon)? Any songwriter knows the chorus is supposed to be the catchiest part of the damn song. Well, to be fair, it is the catchiest part of this song, but it’s not the most catchy chorus I’ve ever heard, it has to be said… Needs to be a bit catchier.

Fuck sake, now the 60s section from the beginning is back again.

Then it goes back into the verse section again. Pretty much the same as before.

Then it’s the build-up with clapping pause again, then another chorus (more 60s harmonies…).

Thank fuck that 60s section from the beginning doesn’t play again. Instead is goes into some random emo spoken section (the words for this bit aren’t on the lyrics pages online for some reason, but I swear she’s saying something along the lines of “HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME? I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!”).

The awkward moment when you realise you can open tin cans with your overbite

After that random bit, it gives us a build up with an extended clapping break… Then the chorus is back again with more 60s bullshit.

Then the FUCKING 60s section from the beginning again.

Then the song finally ends with some weird ass repeated arpeggio.

In conclusion, this is definitely not the worse song I’ve ever heard, but it’s not great either. The video is a joke and also, perhaps, the most disturbing music video I’ve ever seen (because of Tsunku’s lust for young Japanese girls, slipping them rohypnol and raping them after the video ends), the music is all over the damn place, the lyrics are stupid, and Tsunku is a troll.

And I still don’t understand why they are wearing denim and trying to look all “punk-ass bitches” in the least “punky” song they have EVER done.

Overall, I’ll give this:

4/10

Ryu ga Gotoku Of the End - Review

So, yet another entry to the Ryu ga Gotoku series. This time it's about zombies...
I guess they thought there wasn't enough zombie games around already.
It's an interesting choice, considering that the other games have a more serious, realistic theme.

The big question about this game is whether or not it's a spin-off or canon game.
Personally, I hope it's just a spin-off, mainly because Ryuji is in the game (let's be realistic - he should be dead).
But if it does turn out to be canon, I won't cry over it, it will just seem a bit strange to me.

But anyway, let's get to the review:

GRAPHICS

The frame rate has failed me

Not too much to say about the graphics.

They are pretty much exactly the same as the last game (there aren't any noticable improvements). Not that that's a bad thing; they still look pretty good... But, the engine really is starting to look old now (The same engine has been used since Kenzan and there have only been minor improvements since then).

This game suffers from serious frame rate issues; when there's an explosion, the game really slows down. It also does it when there are loads of zombies on screen at once.
So yeah, that's a big problem for the game.

The cutscenes are the real highlight here - Some of them look amazing.

But overall, the game still looks quite nice. Shame about the frame rate problems though.

7/10

GAMEPLAY

The AI Partner is a retard

This game has very different core gameplay to the other games since this focuses on gun combat. It's actually pretty good, I think; it's fun to run around shooting the hell out of zombies.

The game lets you run while shooting, which is extremely useful (the fact you have to stand still and carefully aim every shot in Resident Evil 5 disturbs me) especially since you automatically hit zombies while doing this (no need to aim each shot - just run around and blast them to bits). This may seem to make the manual aim mode a bit pointless, but the manual aim does have its advantages - For example, you can manual aim to blow up oil drums and such which you can't do in auto-aim. Also it's easier to get headshots in manual aim (especially after upgrading your character to lock onto heads).

A lot of people have been complaining about the camera in this game, but to be honest I didn't have too much trouble with it. There was one occasion where the camera did annoy me though - in the final Majima boss fight... The damn camera refused to move where I wanted it to, which led to me being blindsided quite a lot.
There were also a few occasions where the camera refused to turn while I was holding down R1, which was annoying.

Considering this game is focused on guns, there aren't a huge amount of gun upgrades available.
Sure, there are quite a few, but not enough when you consider that's what the game is about (there should be more variety in the upgrades, really).

Something I really need to complain about is the AI partners... They REALLY fucked up here. They are pretty much completely useless and spend most of their time making your life hell rather than helping you out.

In my experience with the AI partners, they usually only do the following:

- Get in the way of your shots and then moan at you when you shoot them in the face
- Stand around doing nothing
- Get raped by zombies (and refusing to shake off attacking zombies)
- Stand in doorways and refusing to move out of your way

If you're lucky, they may actually shoot zombies, but that's quite a rare occurrence.

It gets even worse when they lose all their health; they walk around limping, doing nothing but get in your way (zombies ignore them when they are in this state). Seriously - I was in manual aim mode trying to shoot a dekamacho from distance and along comes the injured AI partner who stands in the way of where I was aiming. So, I moaned about it, moved to the side a bit and tried aiming again... But the bastard moved in the way again. Needless to say, this led to many shouts of: "Get out the fucking way!"

Even Goda Ryuji is completely useless when he's the AI partner.

So I recommend doing everything solo (unless you are forced to have an AI partner for a story or substory).

All the mini-games from the previous games are here, so if you want a break from killing zombies there are plenty of things to do - Like the SEGA arcade games, the gambling mini-games in the underground area, the volcano casino place, golf, fishing, karaoke, etc.

"Answer x Answer" is still in the game, unfortunately (I don't know the answers to most of them... How am I supposed to know what characters were in <insert anime here> or what prefectures are famous for their ramen?).


There are still Hostess Clubs in this game. I haven't been to one in this game yet, but they obviously play the same way as in every other Ryu ga Gotoku game - Go into club, chat up hostess, go on dates with them, max out all the hearts and do the substory... I guess. Not really my thing, but it's there if you want to do it.

The boss fights in this game can be described with one word: EPIC
This game has some of the best boss fights I've seen in a while. The bosses have a lot of variety too - In one fight you'll have a huge armoured beast who likes charging at you, and in another fight you'll be dealing with a hentai tentacle rapist (seriously... only in Japan) who keeps hiding in holes in the floor and trying to surprise attack you. Also, the ending of the final boss fight is possibly the best end to a boss fight I've ever seen (truly epic).

To finish off, let's look at the mutants in the game (many are blatant rip-offs of Left 4 Dead):



Chibizaru

This little shit is REALLY annoying; He runs around like mad and constantly slide tackles you. He also does a diving headbutt attack which is really annoying because he nearly always manages to hit me even when I dodge out the way. When you fight multiple Chibizaru's, you're pretty much guarenteed to end up on the floor at least once. These guys are also the ultimate AI partner killers (they dive onto the AI partner, who then loses all his/her health after failing to shake the little shit off)








Dekamacho (his name is a combination of "Huge" and "Macho")

This guy is a beast. He only takes damage when you shoot him in the head, so you have to go into manual aim mode to take this guy down. Thankfully, he's really slow so you can just run away from him if he gets too close. This guy is probably the least annoying of all the mutants (I don't have any real complaints about this guy).










Nakionna ("Weeping Woman")

This bitch doesn't actually do any damage to you; all she does is scream which summons zombies to attack you (This gets SERIOUS in "Of the End" difficulty mode, seriously - You want to take her down ASAP). She always runs away when you go near her, so it can sometimes be a performance to take her out. I found out something strange with her though - If you shoot her from a long distance (before going near her, making her scream) she doesn't actually do anything (I managed to take her out without her screaming at all)... Strange. She's not too annoying though, she just spam-summons zombies and runs away.








Metabo ("Overweight")

This fat bastard can get quite annoying. When he dies, he lets off some gas or something which sends nearby zombies into a mad rage (pretty pointless in the "Of the End" difficutly mode, because all the zombies are in rage mode all the time anyway) which makes zombies faster and tougher (They have absolutely no mercy when they are in this mode - They will rape you while you stand, they will rape you while you are on the ground, they will rape you while you try to shake off other zombies... they will never stop). Also, their attack is diving onto you and exploding (again, sending nearby zombies into a rage), but this is pretty easy to dodge.






Tribal

I really hate this guy. I don't know who's more annoying - This guy or Chibizaru. I commend anyone who can beat this guy without being knocked to the ground at all. His main attack is jump kicking you from about 20 feet away. Dodging this kick just makes him angry, because he then unleashes an ass-kicking combo which sends you to the ground. Dodging the kick isn't too hard, but dodging his combo is tricky. When the game threw 3 of these guys at me at the same time, all I could say was "oh shit..." (I spent most of that fight on the floor). They are also masters of dodging your attacks.







Haeotoko ("Fly Man")

What a pain in the ass these guys are... They constantly throw some weird crap at you which always knocks you to the ground if it hits (when you fight more than one at once they seem to always time their attacks together perfectly so that at least one of them will hit you) - they also manage to time it so that they hit you again when you get back up, which is annoying (they seriously spam that attack). Not as annoying as Tribal or Chibizaru, but their spam attacks get really old really fast.









Iwadaruma (Combination of "Rock" and "Daruma" (a type of doll - google it))

These guys aren't too bad actually. When they are in their rock armour, you have to destroy it before you can deal damage to him (unless you use a fire attack, which pretty much destroys this guy). They just roll around most of the time, but when their armour breaks they get upset and start diving on you.

So yeah, the camera can sometimes be a pain and some of the mutants can get really annoying, but overall the gameplay is great fun and the boss fights are amazing.

10/10

MUSIC

今の俺に触るな。。。何をするかわからねぇぜ

The soundtrack to this game, like the previous games, is truly badass. The fight music gets you in the mood to kick some zombie ass, and some of the boss themes are simply godlike.


So yeah, nothing more to say about the music really - It fits perfectly with the action and makes you want to kick some serious zombie ass.

If I had to single out a few tracks as the highlights of the soundtrack, I'd say: "Start OF THE END" from Volume 1, "Inescapable Battle" from Volume 1, and "Cry..." from Volume 2.

10/10

STORY

神室町が。。。壊れちゃうよ！

I'll try not to spoil too much here.
There are 4 playable characters each with their own story section (Akiyama, Majima, Ryuji, Kiryu - in that order).


The story is surprisingly good considering it's just a zombie game. I must admit, I had low expectations for the story (even though all the other Ryu ga Gotoku games have great stories), but it turned out to be pretty decent. It's still the weakest story in the series, but a lot better than I thought it would be.

I have to complain about some of the character stories though...

Akiyama's story is completely pointless; his entire story is spent finding medicine and getting it to Hana (seriously). It serves absolutely no purpose to the main story.
It's the same with Majima - his story doesn't really serve any purpose to the story. I love Majima and am glad that I can finally play as him, but his story is pointless.

The main story focuses on Ryuji and Kiryu, which is why those two stories are the only ones that are actually relevant to the plot. Personally, I'd have liked to have seen just Ryuji and Kiryu as playable characters, with longer stories (8 chapters for each?), because at least that way all the chapters would actually be relevant to the main plot.

On the whole though, it's a fairly decent story.

The substories in this game are actually really good (especially Akiyama's ones - some of those really made me laugh). Also, the substories are now indicated on the map with a question mark, which is very convenient because now you don't have to run around like an idiot looking for new substories, you can just look at the map.

There's one substory I must comment on though, just because it made me think "what the fuck?" afterwards. It's an Akiyama substory - It's where you have to go and save one of the girls from Elisa (that Hostess club) who is in the quarantined area... You have to escort her all the way back to safety, fighting through an army of zombies (including bastards that spam-throw fire bombs), which is a real performance. She spends all her time crying and getting destroyed by zombies, so you have to keep protecting her while being beaten down by zombies yourself. So, what happens when you get her out? She asks for a gun so she can fight against zombies herself and then becomes an AI partner! What the hell? One minute she's crying and relies on you to save her sorry ass, the next she thinks she's some zombie ass-kicker? Stupid bitch, why didn't you ask for a gun when I first bumped into you and actually help me when I needed it instead of making everything difficult? Fascinates me. Though saying that, she would have been a pain in the ass even if she did have a gun while I was escorting her back, considering how retarded the AI partners are in this game.

Overally, the main story is pretty decent (but the Akiyama and Majima stories are pointless) and some of the substories are funny.

7/10

OVERALL

I'm pretty sure this scene isn't even in the game...

This is a fun game with a fairly decent story. The boss fights are epic, the soundtrack is epic, and killing zombies is great fun. Sure, the camera can sometimes be a pain but it's not enough to ruin the experience for me.

Overall, I'd say this is my favourite zombie game ever and it is certainly the most epic zombie game around, thanks to the boss fights and soundtrack.

Some people say this is the worst Ryu ga Gotoku game thus far, but I disagree - I like this more than Kurohyou Ryu ga Gotoku Shinshou (the psp game), but I don't like it as much as the Ryu ga Gotoku 1-4 or Kenzan.

But yeah, if you like zombie games you should check this out (even if you've never played a Ryu ga Gotoku game before). If you don't know any Japanese, you don't have to worry too much;
it's usually pretty obvious where you're supposed to go and what you're supposed to do (indicated on the map with a red glowing marker).

Fans of the series should also check this out - I know the combat is a lot different (obviously), but it still feels like a Ryu ga Gotoku game.




+ Gameplay is great fun
+ Amazing Ending
+ Boss fights are epic
+ Music is awesome


- First two stories are pointless
- AI partner is a retard
- Graphics look dated
- Some serious frame rate issues at times

8.5/10 

The Epic Battle

My new piece, depicting an epic final battle.